I started my new position as a Nurse Assistant at the local long term health care facility in the Skilled Nursing Unit. I really love my job and what I do, but I'm not quiting my day job. This makes for some really long days and a little missed sleep. I still get some time for myself, but if I'm not as social please forgive me. It feels great to help people who need help the most and never seems difficult. I have some of best times on the job and yes, they let me wear the chuck d's on the floor. I like it because my 3 scrub sets cost me 10.40 and I can throw everything in the washer. I do not work in the hypobaric unit, but that little stamp saved me lots of money. I'm going on a ride tomorrow and the destination is unknown as of yet. Fine by me. Matt, Derick, and Tania are all on board. Hollywood's bike is still in the shop from when some one t-boned the back of his GSX-R. He's fine and her insurance is covering all of the superficial damage. Tania's bike is back from starter death thanks to bikebandit.com and rebuilding the starter only cost 33 bucks, compared to 400 new or 180 rebuilt. Matt's mend from the last spill looks to have made things better than ever, although no bike is ever complete. I would post picks, but you can see the story on youtube.com under sportster story. His bike left the ground completely and flipped in the air, but was repaired and ready to ride just as his ankle was healing up. Like the bumper sticker education of common sense I must repeat what I said on a very inspirational t-shirt, "Life isn't about how many breaths you take, but how many breaths your life takes away". I hope we all have some passion in our days, what every you have make life enjoyable. Although motorcycle's and mechanics are my selfish self exploration, I hope to live long enough to serve as many as possible. My current position paints many different possibilies for the future, not changing how I feel, but illuminating the social status of life and further defining my opinion. Life is fragile, live while your still alive, tomorrow will never come.

Breakfast in Payson. With 45 mpg out of the bike when Derick suggested breakfast in a town about 66 miles north of Fountain Hills, it was a no brainer. We met up at starbucks and rolled out onto the old bee line highway that is the end of town and the begining of the Ft. Mcdowell Indian Reservation. 66 miles of peaks and valleys and open landscapes of Joshua trees. Weird looking flowers that look oddly taken from some demented cartoon, and mountains made from a delicate balance of huge boulders, placed by nature like some dangerous marble jenga monument. On to the Knotty Pine Cafe in Payson the food was excellent and the ride was an odd concoction of sun burn and goosebumps. We both reaked of sun screen anyway, to no avail our fair skin rolled pink over the course of a few hours under the sun. The weather was very nice in the 70's all day and we abliged our speedometers to the same treatment for a few miles north of Payson. Down one of the coolest little switch back decents into a specific canyon manned by two older park rangers is the natural bridge. My ankle was still a little twisted from finding 1st gear and the starter button tangle with the weight of the big bike on it, so we walked down to make out point, look out #4, and took some pictures. Just as Derick was taking one of the first pictures of me during the trip my batteries failed, so other than his word their is no evidence of the trip every happening. Perfect. The remaining pictures were taken on our phones and I have yet figured a way to take them off of it and onto the computer. We stopped at an old bike salvage yard and found a tresure trove of awsome hogs. Period chops and war bikes, I paid less for my running twin cam ultra than this guy wanted for a long term project so we roared back to starbucks and broke camp. This was one of many day trips to come. Stephanie is looking forward to taking me to some of the more illusive points of intrest in AZ. There are many, although I don't think we will be stopping off at any motorcycle salvage yards, we could turn up and awsome wind chime of blown glass and copper. By the way and unexpected modification made the bike wicked quick, yet the favorite so far is the hardwired garage door opener. Harley Nerd? new term? Love you all.

I was looking for this on my blog. I graduated from an accelerated course in Nurse Assisting before I went to Texas. I had a blast and learned how awsome it is to help someone in need. I'm just about to go turn in my hire packet at the local long term health care facility and wanted to share with everyone how happy this is for me. Yet I forgot to post pics when I graduated and the awsome one off scrubs Susan made for me. Made from cotton/poly twill the material is both softer and less transparent than any available scubs. Thank you Susan and thank you to everyone who helped along the way. I enjoyed my clinicals more than expected and I am on my way to completing my goal in healthcare, the ever expanding self completion that is helping give back to those in need.

At the top of Fairview canyon, plinks in camp and Paula and Robert chilling in front of the camper under the pop up.

family camp redux

I had a blast in Utah. This year the camp was up Fairview canyon. We literally picked up the bike from the shop and drove straight to Sanpete. 11 hours in the saddle with stops for fuel. We averaged about 33 mpg, but we were going a little faster than cruising. DJ was cooking the whole time and Brandy put me up when we got into town and again up on the mountain. Mary and Joe came down for a night and I even got to see Dale and Mary for a little while. It was awsome. I got to actually spend some time with DJ when I went to his house before heading out and Roger came over. Brandi and Dallon, Jayci and DJ's girlfriend Debbie made a nice lunch. Stephanie and I traded the harley for a few hours for the mini van and drove up to Maple canyon. Flip flops made it about 100 yards into Box canyon before heading back. I gave mom a ride down skyline drive on the bike and had a Bishop malt at Rogers in Mt. Pleasant. Seeing the family was great, even if all we did was sit around the fire and bs. Thanks for everything DJ, Paula and Robert, Ron and Brandy, MOM, Eva and Roger and everyone else. It was great to see you all, if I do it next year, I'm taking a week off to drive up in two legs or bringing a car so I can sleep half way. oh and I found my eye glasses, but if you find my blue hat... I and my bald spots miss it.

I got a good sun burn today, Stephanie's is much worse. So worth it. A life changing event. I will post more pics when it stops raining, because this bike is too beautiful to take pictures of in the garage. Thanks so much Jerry for everything and everything else. She ran great and true, I really stretched the legs on her. Tomorrow she's going to Hacienda Harley for a full tune and take care of the little things. I couldn't ask for more. Sorry Mckay, you'll have to wait till for better pics.

I said I would post the video's after decompression. I and the video's are fully decompressed. Thanks for the greatest vacation in a long time I really miss/missed you all. I have more video, but this is the only one worth posting. Goes with out saying the trip home was a success. Stephanie is already planning trips back and trips to other family in other states, more on that later

Spending time with my brother in Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas. We went to NASA and set up for the fourth. I spent 9 hours staying up with him just smoking the meat. We had a blast just sitting in the yard. Dave, Mckays neighbor spent 6 hours and close to $2000 bucks wholesale in fireworks. We were popping morters for hours. I helped Mckays youngest Sara light her first 1 1/2" morter of course she is 6 years old. Photo's don't do any of this justice, we had a blast. Much love to everyone who was there, missed it all together and/or helped me get here. Looking forward to coming back next year if possible.

my bad about the fiddle sticks golf pic twice. It was really fun though.

I can not believe it has been that long since I published. I have been real busy with work. I'm not sure if I can even state where I work online. Better safe than sorry. I'm enrolled in a 30 day CNA class and I still volunteer at the hospital. I'm really excited about school starting soon. I will try to upload a photo of me in work gear and me in CNA garb, because they are both part of my future. I am not dead as some of you may believe. I do have a line on Real medical benefits, two actually. I took a couple real long motorcycle rides, on loaner bikes and have run in with some serious motorcyclists. It's an awsome life. Free awsome coffee all day long. I saw the premier of Ironman, unfortunatly I also saw baby mama, forgetting sarah marshall, made of honor, horton hears a who, 27 dresses, hitman and speed racer. Not so good. I have made a few trips down to the pavillions car show. We are experiencing technical difficulties with the home PC and it's difficult to post from the laptop with images. I'm on an extreme budget and will be starting a new job in addition to my current position after July. Texas and Utah are still on the schedule although the days keep shifting around and I havn't got tickets yet, Stephanie is getting this trip. We are also taking a trip out to Minnisota later this year. Susan took us to fiddlesticks to play a round of miniture golf, We have a Wii so most of our spare time is bowling, golf, surgery and need for speed carbon. I mostly hang out at the book store now. I'm budgeting... love ya'll.

I never get sick. That being said. I got sick. Everyone in the house had a turn and mine finally came around. I have been really busy since then, this was at least 2 weeks ago and those that have called have got the low down on what it's like to get sick so little. Helpful knowledge for the people who get ill so little. You can not fully stiffle a cough. It's not like a sneeze you can hold in. It will come out of one of your orifices as needed. I have since recovered fully and am working as often as possible to recoup my financial situation. I have had some issues with my phone that Stephanie and Mona have worked on repairing, mucho bueno and gracias for that. I'm working on Stephanies intake manifold gasket on her 3.1 L v-6 by gmc and if the people that have had a hand in the engineering or manufacturing of this specific engine feel free to swing by so I can punch them in the neck I would appriciate it. I'm working at the bar 3 days a week, at frys as often as possible and of course my new fav STARBUCKS!!!! I'm still in training for a little while and then I will be a barista, it has been a little bit of dream of mine for a while. Free coffee...mmmmm. I will be celebrating the big 30 at Overtime Sports bar this Saturday night if you would like to swing by in Fountain Hills, of course those specific individuals from GMC stated earlier are not invited. Love you all.

Job Search 2008 is still on going. But I look good if I may say so myself. Stephanie was expecially pretty yeasterday and I had to snap this, because usually she dresses and looks like the fish tank photos. Susan got a new fish tank and it rocks, looks a million times better than the old one. It only took a day to set up and we all worked the same day. I hung some new curtains and the house is looking more like home everyday. I glad to say we all fit. Although with Stephanie pawning off her drum set it looks like I will be re-arranging everything I own once again along with selling off all the crap I have been hanging on to for way too long. A deal is a deal. And without actually touching my money she is showing me how to spend my money quite nicely. It's nice to drive a registered truck with insurance, even if I am behind a half payment. I'm going job hunting again today, so I need to head out. Today is pretty much the same thing. Begging for jobs I want and putting in for jobs I'm qualified for. Yep, I have to renew my security guard card, because it's the only guarantee I can count on. kinda. Do I sound unsure of myself? hmm. My confidence was about two crappy job interviews ago. How am I not qualified to mop a floor. Some other guy has done it longer or what? I am putting in close to 50 hours this week at the deli, so if you have had trouble reaching me, that may be a factor. Love you all. -Evan

This is an old vid, but the only one I had available to try this new feature. Turns out my little 88 buck point and shoot can take ok vid. I just had to find the software to decode the avi file. living is learning. Stay tuned litterally, now. I have had a busy week and will post those pics right after this message.

Life has a way of just happening on it's own. Things naturally happen and to think that there is some difinitive measure of control is to omit the choas that is life. I have been very busy and stuck in my sub r0utine for a while. I still work only the one job, but now have ventured out into the realm ANY job. Stephanie can see, she got her new perscription for glasses and took the oportunity to pick out some specs like mine so we can nerd it up together. I inturn tortured her with a car show and the Glendale arena, World of wheels, she was a good sport. In the ever present need for my motorcycling lifestyle, Stephanie is actually showing support for the habit. First things first, she had to learn how to drive a stick. I have had some experience with teaching this ability and I sadly lack those skills, so I handed of the education with someone with the vehicle and Aaron was slated as the professor. She did great, just like I thought she would. She was hitting third gear in no time. We went to two motorcycle dealerships in one week and she has been great, she even sat on a few bikes and found one she liked. I have been having a blast and Stephanie has been great. Doing great and getting better. By the way, Stephanie is 5'3" and the tires on that H2 are 49". I'm always going out and doing things with her, so I rarely have time to explain what is going on. I have seen a number of movies, the stand out is "there will be blood" -I drank 4 beers and it still totally sucked.

To all of my family. Listen up. I have bad news. I'm the youngest. the youngest out of all of you. For a long time that was a bad thing, now not so bad. Time is a poor judge of character for I have fallen short on my goals of financial achivement and surpassed my goals of living achivement. But alas I can not remain young just the youngest. I found my first grey hair. I never get sick, take pain medication and rarely complain of pain. The other day I had chest pain so bad I almost went to the hospital and I don't have health insurance. I know, I know, when you were my age you could bench press small cars and work endlessly, sure. For now lets settle with this. I may never act my age, I may not be getting younger. But your old and I'm not yet. Damn, two grey hairs and crows feet. I may be tempting my own fate by writing this. I used to try to talk mom into buying name brand cereal so I could save upc's and send in for prizes. Now I bought two bottles of Minute Maid Orange Juice with antioxidants to send in for the heart rate monitor...and I like the Toyota yuris. Oh, and you were not right about half of the stuff you said. If you think I wrote this to someone else your wrong. If your offended, I'm right. If your not offended, your ignorant. as I have been offended by you, which is hard to do. In the end their is only one small deviation from me to you and I love you very much, even though we don't agree on everything, I will try to listen. I have a new safe word. If I'm talking and I can't shut up, just say pippy longstalkings, it's a polite way I have developed to allow other people to explain themselfs before I correct them with my wrong observations. Remember. Pippy Longstalkings. It's my polite shutha. love you. it is now safe to call.

I had a great new year, no need to show pictures of a bar or the bar band, but it rocked out just the same. All in all I closed out the year in a good way and toasted in the new year the best way. Stephanie has some pictures from her trip from Alaska and I'm happy to be around people that treat me nicely. I'm loved. I'm glad I don't have pictures of the plain old kick'n on the couch with a cold one or working in the Deli. I apparently can not throw a ball or a dart. If I ever need these skills to impress someone, I had better start training intensely. I implanted a soft tip dart into pretty much everything but the part of the dart board that it's supposed to hit. I should have stopped at Ping Pong (also not a strong talent) Paula, I'm the one that scratched the felt on your pool table. I have my skills, I don't think any of them are related to my motor skills though. Stephanie has put together a scrap book that's pretty cool. I need to catch you up on more when I'm awake. I have pictures of my lincoln logs I'm playing with. Stop snickering.

I have had as much fun as I could, while waiting for time to pass. Susan and I have been going to the skeptical chemist, an irish pub in North Scottsdale. The Scones are an excellent cover band that play way too good for a bar and they don't seem to take anything to seriously. We sat through their whole set on Saturday night and at the last song their were four band members playing as hard and fast and talented as ever while 6 people in an empty bar bounced their heads, banged the tables and sang along with the chorus. At a few points the lead guitarist on a remote line jumped up on the table in front and rocked out some of the best solos in history. Guitaro hero may be difficult, but what these guys did looked impossible and they were not even trying. We are going back tonight for the new years party, I'm not going to show pictures for a while, but its going to be packed tonight. Stephanie is the best, I have no doubt of that. I miss her dearly and she is coming back soon. I can't wait. Susan, her mom has been awsome and we have been catching up on twightlight zone shows from the 60's. Between the Stones and Doors cover band and the black and white shows it's hard to decipher what decade it is. Work and sleep still play staring roles in my life, but purpose without baby is diminished a bit in her absence. It's nice to come home to someone that believes in you and loves you, I miss that as well. I have also seen some really good movies, mostly at home. Susan loved my recommendation on "worlds fastest indian" so we watched the documentary of "dust to glory" by Dana Brown. I don't think anyone is ready for "two lane blacktop" unless they actually have the sickness. That title is easily dispatched or coveted.

The last few days have been passing by painfully slow and incredibly fast at the same time. I enjoy sleeping, but I rarely have the opportunity. I have made no real progress towards any real career. I am learning more and falling back into my old routine as much as usual. I miss her, and enjoy my freedom one and the same. Time is an old enemy and I am getting to know that all too well. Work and play have been playing out the same battle, one winning more often than the other, but I know that the best thing for me is not always what I want. I am doing great and extremely happy with how things are and how they are going. Looking forward to the rest of this journey quite fondly. I don't think I will be showing pics, but I'm hitting up the bars tomarrow with Stephanies Mom, just to pass the time. This is actually more fun than it sounds. I went to the Christmas service on Christmas Eve and it was awsome. I'll let you know more later and as promised not everything that isn't important. I will say that Stephanie is awsome and alot of that has to do with the fact that she comes from good people.

ps I wrote these ramblings after drinking a bit and had to fix it later. I actually slurred in some of my writing and some of this doesn't make as much sense as it did last night.

I go to shoot a machine gun today. I went shooting with Hollywood and Aaron. If I'm ever attacked by a piece of paper or a small clay plate I know exactly what to do. I would show pics but Stephanie has my camera in alaska. I did get video from Hollywoods phone though stay tuned. The pavillions was dead tonight and the biggest event was a blue '67 camaro with a 427 with a sick cam and some good heads. I think I've figured out that every guy with a sick car is single, kinda makes owning one look more disinteresting.

I forgot to mention that the last picture was of Stephanie and I just above the supermarket parking lot on the 4 mile drive home. I wanted to post pics of the area, because it's so beatiful. We had to go to zoo lights at the Phoenix zoo and out of all the lights and shows and music, I found this evil un-lit bunny the coolest thing in the park. I didn't get any pictures, but Susan, Stephanies Mom and I went to "I am legend" and nachos @ four peaks brewery. It was a blast.

I am a very happy man. In this case no news is good news. I have been working and playing to much to do anything else. I couldn't even cover what all I have done in the time since I posted last, so I'll high light what my soggy brain can remember in a small string of short posts. I drug Stephanie to the Ducatti launch party in Scottsdale for the new 848 model. Notice I'm not sitting on the new model. Then christmas shopping and the 5 and diner for the biggest burger they had.

Ok Mom, I finally got that chrismas present you sent last year. All it took was Mona driving 4 hours from LA and another from Awatukee to Fountain Hills to drop it off. I cracked it open right after I got it in the Target parking lot I met Mona at. We all did some black friday shopping and went back to Stephanie's to wrap presents. It was great seeing Mona again. Max is getting in on the cuddling Stephanie and I were enjoying on the couch after Thanksgiving dinner. He will jump into my arms and lay like a baby while I rub his tummy, the coolest dog I swear. Stephanie and her mom have invited me to stay here with them in Ftn Hills. I would be a fool not to do it, but I've made bad decisions in the past. I'm really excited about going to Mckays and seeing him and his family for the holidays, but I'm having a reality attack and can't seem to make a decision at all. Which is driving everyone crazy. Susan, Stephanie's mom is really awesome and they are also Danish-ish the last name is Andersen so I'm in the clear. My manager has already scheduled me for next week and no one here really wants to see me go except...the reason. I'm really thinking to give it thirty days to see if Susan and Stephanie really want me to stay with them or just don't want to see me go. Stephanie wants to cuddle and it's her computer so......I'll let you know more when I do. I have more great photos to share and some great pics of the goodguys show Hollywood and I went to, they may be packed though so look for them next week at the earliest. two exciting options, one life changing decision.. tune in to see what happens. I know I'm on the edge of my seat. More so than next week's Heros on NBC, did I mention Susan and Stephanie Tivo that?

Hello all and welcome back to the valley of the sun. I have been busy in my own absence and it has netted me a very lucritive job in the Frys deli in Ftn. Hills. Its fun, but I'm leaving for the ever greener pastures. I would like to introduce Stephanie to ya'll, she is the only thing I'm leaving in Phoenix. Mckay has offered to put me up in Texas and help me find something more benificial. I'm moving for a change of venue based on all the sane reasons anyone in the know can tell you. I'm going to miss the weather and the simple city life, but mostly I'll miss all the opportunities that I came here for and are still sitting idle on the table. The bike thing has died down to a serious lack of funds and just in time for gas to hit $3 a gallon. Hollywood and I went to the goodguys car show this sunday and I really enjoyed the calibur of cars that hit the show. The pavillions last night was an excellent showing of what people are willing to bring to the show. I saw a Rolls Royce Silver Phantom 2007 on 24" rims next to a stock minivan next to a straight axle altered wagon with the nose high stance, there was something for everyone and the bike row was 6 deep kick stand to kick start for about an 1/8 mile, guesstimates in the 250 to 300 bikes from a '40s foot clutch, hand shift drum brake harley to the new satin and metallic ruby 2008 yzf-R1. I also spotted a limited YZF-R1LE in the crowd. While Hollywood and I were admiring one specific vehicle at the show a photo dog from a local mag was high lighting the many mods to the modernized muscle in summation he wanted my opinion of the vehicle and I simply stated that it looked like the gentleman that built it had a lonely lady somewhere. Speaking of, thats where I'm at now and I would like to get back to that which matters and that is the lady I speak of. I send more when I know more, but plans in action for lift off Dec. 1st towing all I own in a uhaul box trailer and burning the juice for the two day trip as quickly as my ipod allows. Any Phoenix friends should leave mention of web, snail and phone numbers to establish long distance relationships. Tyrone, Russ, Mike, Hollywood, Aaron, Dan this mean you. Please. -Evan

I will no longer mention the reasons and have deleted all posts to anything other than my personal reasons for things.

My computer crashed so I will updating when ever I have the opportunity. I think I finally have a line on another job. Life has been moving along nicely and to the point rather quickly. Seems like these days all run together. I made a point of taking some time to visit with old friends Aaron and his significant other Melissa. We went to see a movie at the local cinemark, War. It was horrible but we were properly prepared for that outcome, crappy movies can be better than good ones if everyone in the audience agrees and gets in on the drunken commentary. Apparently one person really liked Jason Strathom and we were throwing his stroke off so we had to giggle to ourselfs after his R rated outburst that sent the back row into remission like a kid caught in a lie, and then that was funny. We walked out the wrong door and couldn't find the truck and were instantly sober, turns out it was just parked on the other side of the lot. I have to get a back up plan started. I really appreciate all the support you have all given me and the time alone as well. I really need to reconnect with some people, but time is going to be even more elusive than ever and the reason why I have good friends is they understand me and my lack of actions. I'm currently trying to bend my mind around Robert M. Persings second book Lila. It's like a sequel to a movie, there dosn't have to be very intricate character building because most of the audience got the last one and those that don't wouldn't care past the cliff notes highlight real, but this guys talking a branch of philosophy called metaphysics that as much as I can tell is like the root of thought as much as all emotions can ultimatly be branched out further and further, but most could fit in either catagory: Love, Fear- all other emotions stem from these basics. Here is dear Phadrus on the water in a sail boat with what seems like a gazzillion index cards as he tries to break down the logic of the American Indian vs. White man vs. European influence, each capatalizing on its own stregnths and weaknesses and admiring that a is to b as b is to c and the seperation between that is not progress in either direction. its differentiation, apperently LSD and peyote have alot in common because this book should come with two hits to get you at least half way into the book. I think my lack to understand it comes from a lack of drug awareness, like reading Hunter S. Thompson, squares seem to not truely understand it and apperently I'm squarer than my round shape lets on. I'm not burning down my visa in barnes and noble anymore, I'm burning up my new Scottsdale Municipal Library card and based on the book selection, you may be hearing more from me than you want. Love you all -Evan
P.S.- I shaved my goatee in an effort to score a better job and I think it worked. I was so impressed that I cut my own hair and I like the cut so much I'm keeping it like this. High and tight feels so right. I'll post pictures some day. But the likelyhood of my computer coming back on depends if the system configure for windows start up magically restores it self. I need the Harry Potter boot disk...

I titled this pic desolation in febuary. It set the tone for the trip that reverbiated through out the 2600 mile journey that I took that week and was a moment I can still palpate in my minds eye. It was brutal cold, biting through my two shirts and niping at my naked face. The earth beyond the icy two lane twisty strech of what must be in spring time black top asphalt seemed completely untouched by mankind. This is my myspace pic, my IM pic and seems to sum up my inner fabric at this moment. I'm not taking down any more posts or editing them. I'm not ashamed of my past and can only learn from it. I'm learning more every day living in the specific situation I have built. Sometimes it's something I didn't know about myself, sometimes of man kind and sometimes just... I can not pin point such a vague thing as this, but it has had roller coaster like tendencies and the highs were not that high and the lows were so low. Jail was much better than this. I enjoyed jail though, for what it was. A vacation. Time off. A mandated monistary of mental abilitly. To remove myself from this situation mentally or physically would not do me the good it is to remain. I'm actually quite content. I can't find the line sometimes where I'm to blame or to blame others. I can only hope that time will tell and for now I can only concentrate on the person I am and the person I want to be. Morally inept people leave a vacues essence. I had a dream that I made close contact with the enemy Athena. I and Mandy used to do this thing where we would put our forheads together. Anyone who studies medicine could tell you that the mind functions by electrical impulses from the sinapse (located else where in the body) Science Fiction has insinuated that the frontal lobe is where telepathy takes place, or the possibiliy of it. I would actually percieve (self imposed) a tickle or tingle. The thought of thoughts passing was never optioned, but rather the electrical impulses or possible chemical transitions that do so. In this dream in this same odd proximity I felt my soul leave my body as this person absorbed or sucked my moral, mental and emotional self out of the vessel I have been shaping at the gym. I woke covered in sweat, gasping for air and wanting to drink like I had the past few weeks. I think it is the drink that causes my mind to travel so far from reality and vacation in the exotic. Alchol and a bad attitude is my acid. I remain steadfast in the person I am, unconvinced by this minority of any other possibility, but she is a smart woman and very aware of her dark arts. She has been trained by the best (her mother) and knows not any other ability. I feel inclined to teach her what I know, but know that like some teachers that don't know exactly the material it would be of no use. I'm not obligated. She is happy, extatic even. It's sickening how blissful someone can be at the expense of others. Her Hitler like elation permiates the apartment with a clorox smell. We exist only by completely ignoring the other. Less than you would give a common stranger, which I would enjoy so much more. I don't know what I feel, let alone why. Is it compassion....pity...hurt...fear, the root. Yes, Fear would be the easiest answer, because it satisfies all the other adjectives of fear that could be used to describe dark emotions. Fear of what she might teach me, fear of what I might glean from such a person, fear of what she could do with her abilities and wit. 2 minites with her this morning has left me in a tail spin waiting for the pool party with friends, Jason Greenwood, Nick Tubertini, John Tussing and...strangers...blissful strangers. I went to Muse a bar down the street last night and had a GEORGEOUS girl named Jessica sitting on my lap with my hand on her naked thigh, my mind flying with all the debauched thoughts appropriate for the situation, but I left alone... feeling good about myself. I don't need others to feel good about myself. (Don't get it wrong, had she got in my truck I would not have kicked her out) I enjoy the person I am when I'm alone, I enjoy who I am when I'm with people I can trust and people that can respect me. The golden rule really is golden. I suppose to a certain degree if Athena kept a blog, hers would look similar to this all my I's are hers as well. So this draw, I have lost..This loose truce we have will stand until time thickens the walls and communication without gutteral grunts and scared monkey laughs can take place. That would be the high point of anything that could become. I know I have put I on every line and I have spoken of I the whole time. I...that is what this blog is about...and I'm doing just fine. Thanks to all my friends..Thanks for the love and support of my family that have reached out like I didn't know they were capable of and helping me through a spot in my life harder than I imagined it could be as an adult. I love you, too. That is all I want to be capable of...Love. I need not hate, I have seen what hate makes of a person. -Evan Christensen

I have moved, kinda. I'm still in the state of moving some of my stuff. I really don't like moving because I'm forced to look at the crap I own as material I don't need. It gives me the chance to see the things I hang on too and ask, why is this here, why did I buy it and why do I feel the need to keep it around. I have way too many books I have already read and projects I don't have the time to complete. I'm in North Scottdale now. The side of town that people of my income bracket really stick out with. Unable to have a kitty on our own, Athena and I decided to adopt. We have picked up a satanic little kitty that seemed so well mannered at the time I couldn't see the little squirrel for who he really was. At night he sounds like a racoon in the trash can's with the noises he makes. I don't know how I feel about declawing a ferrel cat like this. I have more open wounds than Acounta-Kente from roots right now and the prosect of raising this skin shredder in the home of two people that are either thin skinned or hemophiliac is becoming obvious. I'll post pics when I get home. Athena's friend got married the other day and I don't know who is having the most trouble adjusting to that fact. I'm really enjoying the move and all the peripheral benifits of living with someone I really enjoy, but it really highlights my low points making all the work of progress I thought I had made irrellevant. I believe that every person thinks they are right regardless and I'm open to the possibility I could be wrong on occation, but based on the mistakes i have made I'm seriously wondering how much of what I do I self justify because I know I'm right or if I'm actually wrong. All my job prospects didn't pan out, so I have to come from another angle. I was offered a shot at a job I don't know if I want on accident again. The pay is great, but the liability is too high to last. Back to the drawing board. I need a laboratory of schematics to figure out the basics of life. How can there be so many books covering what should come so natural from the 1000's of years of evolution. Lifes variables are becoming increasingly differential. I'll post more when I get home so I can access my plethora of pictures because as much as I write, I couldn't possibly articulate in such a limited format how happy I am. Not only are Athena and I going out officially, we are doing well. We are very complementary and the things we have in common often are the topic of conversation. The only thing I have to work on is the things that I have. She is a wonderful woman and I feel very lucky to have the time to share with her.

I tend to live my life in one of two ways, function or non-function. I could be content with only a small amount of money, cable TV and a case of beer a day. I could make due...for a while. Then in the absence of everything the nothingness would cause me grief. I would find pleasure in anything that would keep me busy. Even my off days are usually very busy. At times I find myself on the far spectrum of function. Every minute of the day seems valuable as I try to allot the tasks of the day the proper amount of time. I seem happiest at a level that causes me some serious sleep derivation. Life rolls by like a fog and I operate in some sort of third party autonomic way. I could try to describe it but Martin Scorsese's "Bringing out the dead" (1999) does a very good job at setting the tone for the life I'm describing. The mood is a bit somber, but it did win two academy awards. What I'm talking about is the extreme tax placed on Nick Cage's character Frank Pierce. Desperately needing sleep, but with sleep comes nightmares and the knowledge that someone, somewhere is dying. One of my favorite lines is
"Oh, I see. With all the poor people of this city who wanted only to live and were viciously murdered, you have the nerve to sit here, wanting to die, and not go through with it? You make me sick! "
Life has been moving at a very fast pace and keeping up has been difficult, but I remember sitting at home and drinking beer all day and watching all the racing I could handle, giving me way too much time to think about things. Postulating on the same thing can only lead to an indefinite number of possibilities, most of which can be elected or discarded easily without affecting the outcome and in the end all you would have are thoughts. I think I remember something from the Socrates, Plato dialogues that I derived this from. A life of thinking would be only a beginning. So I choose to spend a little time thinking and as much time doing as possible. Life as I'm living it exists in the cracks of time of the things I feel obliged to do for the things I want to do. I'm moving in 2 weeks and will post pics of the place, before we move in so you can see what it looks like if we were just squatting in an abandoned North Scottsdale 2 bdrm apartment. I have seen the inside of my own dwelling less than 6 times this month, so technically the moving in part will mostly just be a convenience item where I don't have to disturb someone from their sleep so I can take a shower and rack out to go right back to work down the road. While school was in it was a major time saver and 4 miles for work isn't enough to even turn the key in the ignition at $3/gal. Athena and I are doing quite nicely, we are going out, which is an ironic term given the situation. We never get to go out anymore. She has been extremely supportive of my heavy work schedule, which leads me to believe that my abrasive personality has finely paid off. Thank you Chucky Cheese Janitor for being an inspiration, you were right all along. Seriously, I feel like my life has finally found some quality. I really don't know how to put it. We both feel strong premature feelings for each other and quitly suffer. There is no rush to name it, there is no description that could match it. It just is a very nice homginization of two self destructive individuals. It's like watching the ball drop on times square, you know there's going to be fireworks. (I've always liked fireworks, its the term novelty explosives that its associated with that I think is an irony, oh and there pretty)

I would share my complete details of grading, but for now you can settle for this. I passed. Anatomy and Physiology 202 was a lot of fun and I enjoyed it, but I did not want to take it again for the third time. Working two jobs and going to school puts school at the wrong end of my priority list so I'm changing jobs to one that is on track, that interview is tomorrow after my second 16 hour shift in a row, only to return to another. I'll take this pass, but I wont stop studying until next class which might not be until Spring 2008. I will leave it to this. The minimum grade to pass is a C, at 750 pts possible 75% is 525 pts minimum, I have copied and pasted directly from my grades my final grade in the class and I think you may find it interesting based on how important this is to me, how I did. I have a lot of self study to complete and I'm keeping everything I got from course documents on my hard drive. Like this intersting picture of histology.(the study of tissues) here is a very close look at what makes the world spin.

Total 526 /750 , one mesely little point. ONE. one point from faliure is some measure of success. I guess.
Things in every aspect of my life are moving along quite smoothly considering. I have a girl friend. I'm not single anymore. That is a big step. We have so much in common, yet find the differences on occasion. I find the rifts riveting making me more aware of things I did not know and look forward to learning more about. Thats what this is all about right, learning. My only regret now is that I am on a path that keeps me away for much of the time we could spend together in this newly forming crossroads. She supports me so much even though I can not do the same for her right now. She shows me on a regular basis that I mean something to her and she is equally interested in spending time with me and seeing where this goes. Where it's going is actually a little frightening considering the thought that she seems to be someone that I could never tire of spending more time with. She is of course, Athena and as soon as I get some new pics I will post them, we are both very busy putting together our own agendas, spending great lenths of time from each other on individual aspects of our lives. The running line is uncomfortably comfortable. Both of us constantly second guessing the nature of things based on our experiences. I don't like it when anyone touches me or talks to me for an extended period of time, I need my space to reset and ramp up, some sort of personality refractory period. When I'm with her it feels like its me time and I enjoy every bit of it. I'm very tired, I'm reminded that when someone experiences long periods of sleep deporvation at about the 72 hour mark the same hallucogenic effect of LSD can be experienced. I'm looking forward to Thursday for two reasons now. Athena and any other visions that come into view.